As I zipped up the last drop of earl gray in the tea cup this morning, I found a moment of peace in days. I’ve been seeing the sun rises with a crying baby in arms for days. Finally, I am able to enjoy this very precious moment of tranquility (although brief).

Nate has been spitting up for days. Babies do spit up, it’s just part of their eating habit (well, to make it sound better). People around told me he’s fine. However, as a mother and the sole close caretaker, I noticed it’s not as a simple matter as most people think. He spits up and he cries a lot. Sometimes he even vomits. His little face turns red and every facial muscle seems twisted, while his little hands and legs clutch tightly. He would cry and scream for hours in the afternoon or at nights. I have no doubt that he’s having some pain while trying to get that freaking burp out. I am tired of changing him and changing myself. I am tired of smelling like milk and baby formula. I am even more tired of trying desperately to sooth him. I danced with him, I sang for him, I talked to him, I put him in the stroller, in the bouncer, nothing seemed work. I could not comfort my poor crying boy. Many times I just wanted to join in. Oh yeah, there were moments when mommy and baby cried together. I sound lame but it is overwhelming for me. At the beginning, after checking his temperature and everything, we thought he’s colicky. He did burp a lot after eating. But then as days went by, I noticed it’s not that simple. And I wanted to have a diagnosis. It turned out that my worse suspicion was true, he has infant reflux problem. No wonder he’s in so much pain. My poor boy.

Doctor suggested to give him smaller portions with more frequent feedings. That means my days are simply feeding, burping, changing diapers and soothing a fussy baby. So tiring that many times I thought I would not be able to take it any more. But then, energy came from nowhere and I just went through it. I guess the power of motherhood nature is really strong. I do wonder if I’d be able to make it if I don’t have Cez’s father’s helping hands. I wish he’s turning 6 months old tomorrow since they say babies outgrow the problem as they grow and by 6 months they should be able to get over it. But then who knows, they will have another problem, maybe teething problem or so. Like Cez’s mother said, they change and grow so fast that by the time you figure out the problem and solution, it’s over and it comes another problem. C’est la vie. What can I say?

Well now the big package’s here. I took it home and I opened it. It’s mine and I am glad it is mine for it is such a precious present I’ve ever got.

P.S. I just realized this is quite a positive entry although the last week was not easy. But well what’s the point of being negative? I need that good vibe, Hallelujah…